For reasons I am not going to get into, I had to watch NBC’s “America’s Got Talent” this week.

Sweet. Fancy. Moses. If David Hasselhoff isn’t back on the sauce, you could have fooled me. Between his slurring to a 4-year-old girl “You should run for President!” and Sharon Osbourne, who has had enough work done at this point to be a prime candidate to play Jocelyn “The Cat Woman” Wildenstein in a Lifetime biopic, I barely had enough energy left to hate Jerry Springer properly.

By the time the show got to an act called “The Zooperstars,” which is a bunch of jerks in inflatable mascot costumes who formed a dance team, I was genuinely concerned I had unwittingly slipped myself a lethal dose of PCP. The fact that there is an act on this show where people dance around a stage– and quite enjoyably, sometimes fall off the stage– in duck and monkey costumes to an old “Jock Jams” CD is more than enough explanation for NBC’s standing as a fourth place network. Abandon all hope for humanity, and check out this clip.

[Picture source: NYMag.com]