“Lost” will return on January 21, 2009! I can’t wait!

Nathan Fillion of “Serenity” and now “Desperate Housewives” fame, stars in ABC’s newest midseason replacement, “Castle”. Yes, it’s another cop procedural. Yes, it’s a story of opposites attract. And if you ask me, it totally ripped it’s premise from the pages of Basic Instinct: mystery novelist’s books scarily similar to actual murder cases. Lucky for us, it’s a comedy drama, so it has a lighter tone and considerably better acting!

Check the television pilot trailer:

Source: Pop Candy

“Kath & Kim” with Molly Shannon and Selma Blair. A US version of the Austrialian series (haven’t they figured out they usually don’t work out?) - 8:30/7:30 on NBC

The original Las Vegas version of “CSI” premieres at 9pm followed by the premiere of “Eleventh Hour” with Rufus Sewell in the role originally played by Patrick Stewart on the BBC version.

On ABC, after new episodes of “Ugly Betty” and “Grey’s Anatomy”, we’ve got the series premiere of David E. Kelley’s take on the original BBC show “Life on Mars”. This remake wins the award of the stuffing as many talented film actors as possible into one show (after firing 90% of the actors from the original pilot) to make it look good: Harvey Keitel, Michael Imperioli, Gretchen Mol, Lisa Bonet, and Jason O’Mara as the time-traveling cop Sam Tyler.

If you haven’t visited ABC today, check out the 1970s computer terminal re-design they put up in honor of the new show. Or if you’re lazy, just look at the screenshot on TV Squad. Watch the “Life on Mars” promo below to get the gist of the show.

I have no idea how I’m gonna watch (or even DVR record) all these shows tonight!

Okay kids, it’s time for the hate stew that I promised you on Friday. Consider it your Sunday supper.

“Dancing with the Stars.” Where, oh where, do I begin? I have deliberately avoided this show for however long it’s been on up to now, but masochism and work obligations got the better of me, and my hand was forced. I finally had to check it out Tuesday night.

The entire production seems like a poorly written sketch parodying reality shows. And, considering how well it does in the ratings, compared to other really worthwhile shows that fail dismally, I can now say that I have lost all faith in mankind.

To call these washed up F-listers “stars” is a flat out lie. Take Kim Kardashian, one of the competitors this season. Her most noteworthy credits include making a sex tape, dating Reggie Bush and having an ass that is often mistaken for a dumptruck.

Yes, with Kard-ass-ian, Susan Lucci and Jefferson from “Married with Children,” being on the show, I can only imagine the list of superstars they must have rejected during casting. Perhaps next season they’ll have Corky from “Life Goes On” competing. Maybe I’m being a bit harsh, calling Kim a has-been. Kim Kardashian is actually a never-was, if you want to get technical.

When Tom Bergeron unleashed his manic, lilting, joyless “host” laugh in response to something that was entirely unfunny for the second time inside of 40 seconds, I turned to a friend who was watching with me and asked, “Do you suppose he goes home and just cries and cries? Don’t you think he must really hate himself?” My friend thought for a moment, then answered “yes.”

So, yeah, you could say DWTS was not my cup of tea. Man, I really feel like watching some “Married with Children” now.

“Dancing with the Stars” started this week, and I watched it for the first time. I would never watch such a show in my real life, but I figure I ought to expose myself to new and terrible things. Hey, it’s in the interest of finding television blog fodder. Nevertheless, rather than unleash my tirade over everything wrong with that show today, I’d rather keep spirits high. It is a Friday, after all. So, I’ll save it for another day, allow the hate stew to simmer, and tell you about something I do like: Carnivàle.

I remember this show when it first began airing on HBO back in 2003, but it looked weird. Too weird. So, I never bothered trying to get into it; plus, the only person I knew who did watch it was an imbecile. Years later, a non-imbecile friend swore up and down that it was his favorite show, and I began to reconsider it.

Long story less long, I put the first disc of Season 1 at the top of my Netflix queue, and wound up watching the entire series within a two week span, slowed down only by the sluggish pace of the United States Postal Service.

It even got to the point where I would bring some of the discs to work to watch at my computer. Granted, I was trying to get fired, but that’s neither here nor there. The moral of the story is, Carnivàle is indeed weird, but it’s a good weird, not “John from Cinncinnati” weird.

The show only lasted two seasons because it was too expensive to produce, considering it wasn’t getting “Sopranos” ratings. But, it is certainly one of the most unique shows I’ve seen, above all, and I watch loads of television. Even if you don’t love it as much as, say “The Wire” (and who could?), it’s worth a look. So, check it out. Go. Go do it now.

DVD shopping links:
Carnivale - The Complete First Season
Carnivale - The Complete Second Season

“Samantha Who” stars Christina Applegate as the titular character amnesiac who has no memory of her previously mean-spirited ways.

Recent Emmy winner, Jean Smart plays her unforgiving mother and Jennifer Esposito plays her best friend, Andrea. They all help Samantha in her quest to reconcile the person she was with the one she is now. Season one was surprisingly very funny and Applegate was perfectly cast since she excels at playing both the nice and mean version of Samantha.

Buy season one on dvd today so you can catch up before the season two premiere on October 13th on ABC.

Samantha Who - Season 1 DVD

I’ve been subjected to a lot of bad teevee of late, evidenced in yesterday’s tirade about the dearth of American talent, paired with last weekend’s lamentation of how much Beverly Hills 9021-blows. Thus, I’ve armed myself with a box of Shiraz and my personal TV on DVD collection to cleanse my palette of the stale aftertaste of “Baywatch” wash-outs and the world’s oldest teenagers.

To wit, I’m looking forward to firing up the “DVD machine,” as my Aunt Louise called it, and perhaps enjoying some “Clerks: The Animated Series,” to start.

The “Clerks” TV series aired on ABC back in 2000, and Kevin Smith was chillingly accurate in his pre-premiere prediction that ABC would blow the marketing and scheduling, and the show would be canceled within 6 episodes. Smith was so right, in fact, that while six episodes were produced, only half as many ever made it to air. Being the animation fan that I am, and Kevin Smith fan that I used to be, you can imagine my delight when I purchased the DVD and unearthed the three treasures that were the “lost episodes.”

If you have any lingering skepticism, you should be aware that Alec Baldwin voices Leonardo Leonardo in the show, a Mr. Burns type of character, who is hilariously treacherous. As always, you can count on Baldwin’s comedic brilliance in his effortless delivery to make this unsung gem of a series really shine. If only it had come along during the [adult swim] age, then perhaps it would have had a fighting chance of survival. Sigh.

So go buy it on DVD. Or rent it, even. Trust me, it’s worth it. Despite it’s failure on ABC, “Clerks: The Animated Series” is one of the last bastions of Kevin Smith’s pre-suckfest era.

[Picture source: www.dvdtimes.co.uk]

I’ve finally caught up on a few of the television finales and decided the worst one (that I watched) came from “Grey’s Anatomy”. It was the same ol’ crap just re-packaged to make some of the doctors have a happy ending while others went deeper into their self-destructive hole. McDreamy and Meredith finally, after years of break-ups/make-ups and working together and fighting together have decided to give a final shot. But only after she made a breakthru in therapy that is….

If this was season two or three, perhaps I would care. But seriously, four seasons of dating, adultery, and false relationship starts really wears on a viewer! I simply just don’t care.

Who do I care about? Bailey, but it took an entire season of her running around being a Doctor/Head Resident to realize that doing all that and taking care of a baby just don’t mix. She gives the clinic to Izzie. End of Story, everyone wins.

The Chief got back with his wife…ewww old people kissing…I guess it works.

Alex and Izzie fight and kiss again, but now with more sadness and pathetic words.

Callie and Erika are kissing…boring…way to try and get the male demographic back.

George gets to redeem himself and retake his Intern test. Here’s hoping he doesn’t flug it up twice.

Will I watch next season? I really don’t think so. I’d almost rather watch “ER”, which I hate. So that’s saying something.

My new favorite show (post-strike) was “New Amsterdam”.

But sadly, it was given it’s death sentence this week. Why Fox? Why, oh why can you not let things last? I shoulda realized it was doomed when they pushed back the premiere to March.

Fox isn’t the only one throwing around the axe this week. Also cancelled are “Moonlight”, “Shark”, “Canterbury’s Law”, “October Road”, “Back to You”, and obviously “Bionic Woman” and “Journeyman”.

(Source: The TV Whore’s column)

Mental Floss has an enlightening article about “6 Sci-Fi TV Show Concepts You Didn’t See”. Most of the list is pretty dead on, but I resent them putting down “Daybreak”. I was way more into that show than “Journeyman”. And yes, I did watch the online episodes…

And “The Fonz and the Happy Days Gang” definitely is the craziest thing (and worst cartoon idea) I’ve seen all day. Even worse than “Hammerman” and I’d thought that was impossible! Check the clips and decide for yourself.

Fonz’s:

OR

Hammer’s: