Dancing with the Has-Beens

Okay kids, it’s time for the hate stew that I promised you on Friday. Consider it your Sunday supper.

“Dancing with the Stars.” Where, oh where, do I begin? I have deliberately avoided this show for however long it’s been on up to now, but masochism and work obligations got the better of me, and my hand was forced. I finally had to check it out Tuesday night.

The entire production seems like a poorly written sketch parodying reality shows. And, considering how well it does in the ratings, compared to other really worthwhile shows that fail dismally, I can now say that I have lost all faith in mankind.

To call these washed up F-listers “stars” is a flat out lie. Take Kim Kardashian, one of the competitors this season. Her most noteworthy credits include making a sex tape, dating Reggie Bush and having an ass that is often mistaken for a dumptruck.

Yes, with Kard-ass-ian, Susan Lucci and Jefferson from “Married with Children,” being on the show, I can only imagine the list of superstars they must have rejected during casting. Perhaps next season they’ll have Corky from “Life Goes On” competing. Maybe I’m being a bit harsh, calling Kim a has-been. Kim Kardashian is actually a never-was, if you want to get technical.

When Tom Bergeron unleashed his manic, lilting, joyless “host” laugh in response to something that was entirely unfunny for the second time inside of 40 seconds, I turned to a friend who was watching with me and asked, “Do you suppose he goes home and just cries and cries? Don’t you think he must really hate himself?” My friend thought for a moment, then answered “yes.”

So, yeah, you could say DWTS was not my cup of tea. Man, I really feel like watching some “Married with Children” now.

Related posts:

1. Pour Some Bad Sugar on ‘Dancing with the Stars’
2. Carnivàle! No, Not the Sexy One in Brazil.
3. No, I Don’t Spend All of My Time Watching “Dancing with the Stars”
4. Burn Notice
5. Onch You Glad I Have No Life?